Why am I posting this for the world to see I have no idea. Well I do know I am the last person that wants to talk about the problems in ones life, so I guess this is somewhat an indirect way of talking about my problems without letting myself seem too vulnerable.
uuuummm..where do i begin ? I've been really going through it, like challenges and obstacles, praying until my thoughts get sore, just wanting everything to be right and "fixed". I can't handle it, under the pressure, under the stress. My insides hurt like I want to explode, I have a hard time sleeping, and my heart fills with worry. I want to cry like for a week straight, just sit and cryyyyy, like a little baby.
I despise the fact that I assume the responsiblity of being the strong one, or the one that has to make everyone laugh, or act like nothing just happened so we can all move past it. When things happen I dont express it , I move on and look past it.
I'm usually not the one going through this crap this happens to other people not me, why me ?
I try to put situations as such in a religious aspect, saying the devil is taunting me, trying to keep me down. God will make a way, i know, just be patient and it'll get better sooner than i expect. I want to believe it....i w a n t to b e l i e v e it !!!
You know what its much harder to fight back tears and emotion then it is to just let it out. Imagine how much energy Im putting in this rough exterior I display, wanting to be the tough friend, sister, daughter...everything !! i literally want to S C R E A M !! uugghhhhh......this isnt supposed to happen to me. Im the one with the good life ??? right.....
these words are my diary screaming out loud.....
God you're enough, if it never gets better than this right now
YOU'RE ALL I NEED !!!
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