l i f e.

Have you ever heard someone say that God passes messages through someone else, not to necessarily tell you, but they something you need to hear and at the right time that you need to hear it ??

Well it happened to me last night, my best friend was on the phone with one of her friends and because of a situation that made her mad, it affected how she treated other people on that day, no matter if they did absolutely nothing she was still mad at everyone. The point is he basically told her that isn't right and all this other stuff...

How this relates to me ?? I have this thing that when one person makes me uspset even if its over the pettiest thing in life, I will automatically be upset and have an attitude at anybody that crosses my path that day. And I really do affect people, like for instance if I get mad at school and talk to my mom and have an attitude, it will affect her day. I'm kind of rambling because I cant get my thoughts right now, but it has been on my mind all day and i really and truley am working on that "its okay to have a grudge towards the world, because I'm mad at a situation" its ridiculous, and I hope anybody that reads will change that about themselves also if it is an issue.

Now Im not saying you cant be mad, but be mad at that second and let it go, move on because that is no way to live, and its far to much energy being exerted than just praying about it and letting it be. If its letting that person go out of your life than do it, if its an issue that needs to talked about to solve than do it. But dont let anger get the best of you, because the next time you're mad at someone you love with no apparent reason, you should think about the possiblity that you may never get to see them again.....

p a t i e n c e. Love is p a t i e n t.

Troubling Times...

Why am I posting this for the world to see I have no idea. Well I do know I am the last person that wants to talk about the problems in ones life, so I guess this is somewhat an indirect way of talking about my problems without letting myself seem too vulnerable.

uuuummm..where do i begin ? I've been really going through it, like challenges and obstacles, praying until my thoughts get sore, just wanting everything to be right and "fixed". I can't handle it, under the pressure, under the stress. My insides hurt like I want to explode, I have a hard time sleeping, and my heart fills with worry. I want to cry like for a week straight, just sit and cryyyyy, like a little baby.

I despise the fact that I assume the responsiblity of being the strong one, or the one that has to make everyone laugh, or act like nothing just happened so we can all move past it. When things happen I dont express it , I move on and look past it.

I'm usually not the one going through this crap this happens to other people not me, why me ?
I try to put situations as such in a religious aspect, saying the devil is taunting me, trying to keep me down. God will make a way, i know, just be patient and it'll get better sooner than i expect. I want to believe it....i w a n t to b e l i e v e it !!!

You know what its much harder to fight back tears and emotion then it is to just let it out. Imagine how much energy Im putting in this rough exterior I display, wanting to be the tough friend, sister, daughter...everything !! i literally want to S C R E A M !! uugghhhhh......this isnt supposed to happen to me. Im the one with the good life ??? right.....

these words are my diary screaming out loud.....

God you're enough, if it never gets better than this right now
YOU'RE ALL I NEED !!!